You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
