I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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