I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I need moral support for this bender
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Randomize