your thong is hanging out like whoa
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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