just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
