i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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