Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize