Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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