Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
