I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
