A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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