sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
