Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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