I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
