I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
