Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
