hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
