i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
