i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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