So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
