How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
