my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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