so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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