hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
