but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
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