I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
