im holly from the hills drunk
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize
