she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize