Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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