Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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