u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
