HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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