Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
