it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
There are leaves in my underwear?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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