I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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