So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
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