youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Boobs speak an international language.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
