Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
