Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
