I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
