just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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