if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
