I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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