I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
