Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
