that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
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