My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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