i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
They took my balls.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
