it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
