why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Randomize
