you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Randomize
