Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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