tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
