Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
That reminds me...we need to get swords
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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