If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
