You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
