He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
and you fell through a lawn chair
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
