It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
