Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
