I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i think i have two assholes
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize