Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
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