I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
