you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
