It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
