DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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