i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
